98

This story is by Isaac Jaegger and is an edited story of mine that is not as funny in the original. I will also post the original which has more of the story. The characters are Howard Windstrom, an overly rich insane person; Isaac Jaeger, a friend of Howard who is less insane, and Mason Bliss, who is not Blissful nor Masonful. This story is not supposed to make sense, so if it does, please visit your doctor. You may have a serious mental condition. Anyway, the main point is humor, not a thrilling storyline. Enjoy.



Mason Bliss sat on his spiky iron chair, eating cold pizza and drinking a cup of hot chocolate without chocolate. He was not Blissful, nor was he Masonful, for all he did was destroy. He was known as Mason the Perpetually Annoyed.
So deep in his veins ran the cold, biting edge of annoyance, such a burning rage of slight annoyance he had that he went completely bonkers, and resolved to end his slight annoyance once and for all.
“MwahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahLOLOLOLOLOlolololololololo!!!” He cackled super-evilly, and ordered some Lasagna, without cheese or pasta, or sauce.

“Weeeeee!” Howard Lindstorm was bouncing up and down on Howard Lindstorm’s Pan-dimensional trampoline. It was a marvelous invention of Howard Lindstorm’s created when Howard Lindstorm threw a sooperparty for five weeks, and the joy of happy jumpers refused to leave. “My oh my, what a marvelous Pan-dimensional trampoline you have here!” he yelled to himself.
They were in the main Relaxation Vault of Lindstorm Industries, relaxing furiously after their crazy ordeal of relaxing yesterday.
“Howard! HOWARD!” yelled Spencer, one of Howard’s servants.
“Ahh!” Izak shouted, spilling his ultra-relaxation coffee all over the soft carpets of the Vault. “What do you have here, servants or bricks?”
“Both,” he said, and pushed Spencer over into a pile of bricks standing conveniently by that was dressed in a tuxedo. “Sorry, bricks.”
Spencer jumped up in reverse motion in the fashion that is only possible when everyone around is in a state of EXTREME RELAXATION and doesn’t care about the laws of physics. He saluted smartly, and said, “Wasdfhj;lfo;dfffffgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg—”
Howard whacked Spencer’s head, muttering, “These low-budget servants, always sticking....” and with an almighty kick to the back, Spencer stood up.
“Okay, yeah.... There’re some guys out there who know some guys who knows some guys some guys out there who know some guys who knows some guys some guys out there who know some guys who knows some guys—”
“@&%#%^*(()!#@$=+``=-30^%%^*(()!#@$=@” said Howard for about two minutes as he whacked the servant, who had fallen silent.
The servant stood again, with an unhelpful, “...know some guys who knows some guys some guys out there who know some guys who knows some guys—”
Howard sighed, and turned to the bricks. “What is it?” he asked them.
“Well, sir, it appears that there is a Inconvieny-O-Copter hovering out there that is colored beyond the legal limit of evil. It is also yelling at you,” said the bricks.
“Thanks,” said Howard, and led a bewildered Izak outside.

The Inconvieny-O-Copter was a very evil craft, made out of the toenails of dead men, the souls of dead kittens, eyelashes from completely healthy kindergarteners, spine jelly from dead squirrels, and cheap plastic that was sure to fall apart if dealt a good, strong whack with a rolled-up newspaper.
Mason the Perpetually Annoyed sat inside on a chair that was just hard enough to be uncomfortable without actually hurting him, and colored just the shade of pink to sear the eye. He reached for the megaphone mouthpiece that was just big enough so that he couldn’t hold on to it with one hand, but just small enough to make you feel that you didn’t really need to use two hands.
He spoke into it, which was more difficult than you might of thought absolutely necessary. “Surrender the Uranium, Howard!”

The Inconvieny-O-Copter was talking to them. It said, “SrrrredUrthHworadhiaumi!”
“What?” said Howard and Izak at the same time.

Mason was annoyed that he had to say it again. “Surrender the Uranium, Howard!”

“SrrrredUrthHworadhiaumi!” the Inconvieny-O-Copter said again.
“WHAT??”

Mason was becoming desperately annoyed. He leaned out the window, bumping his head on an inconveniently placed plastic beam, which shattered. “You idiots! Surrender your friggin’ Uranium! Jeeze!”

On the ground, Howard said, “Ewwwww! Uranium? Is that the stuff that comes from between your toes? Gross-o!”

“SURRENDER IT!” Mason yelled, and coincidently he swallowed a fly that held in its body the cure for half of the world’s genetic diseases. It was coincidental because Mason had none of those diseases, but had most of the other half.

“But I don’t have any of that stuff! I threw it out with the iPod forty-three last week!” Coincidently also, Howard swallowed the fly’s brother, which cured all of his allergies, his asthma, and made most everything taste better to him.

While they were both hacking on their flies, Izak hovered away on a poof of Extra-Medium Inconsequentiality, and no one took notice, because it was Inconsequential.
Howard hacked out a glob of mucus that contained a cold that he would have caught; Mason swallowed an itchy dandelion pod. “Go away!” yelled Howard, feeling excellent.
“Well then!” wheezed Mason, “I guess that I’ll just have to send you a present!” And Mason stuck his head back inside the Inconvieny-O-Copter, grabbing for a red button that both fired missiles and sliced bagels, depending on how hard it was pressed.
Howard knew what Mason was doing, and he couldn’t do anything about it.
With a deeply annoyed, “Grrrrrr!” Mason pressed the button ferociously, and a neatly sliced bagel fell out of an overhead compartment and hit him on the head, steaming merrily. Mason picked it up, but it had landed on a stove, causing Mason to get a severe burn on his hand.
“How simply annoying,” moaned Mason, “Now I shall get the very worst revenge.”
Picking up the bagel, he tossed at Howard. Coincidentally, by the time it got to Howard it a cooled to a warm but not burning heat level. Howard picked it up and ate it. Now Mason was irritated to an extreme level. He pounded his fists in rage. Due in part to this, the Inconvieny-O-Copter disintegrated. Mason fell, but a pit of water broke his fall. This water contained Howard’s new breed of super piranhas. This annoyed Mason.
“Do not bother me,” he told them.
They bit him
“I’m really annoyed now,” he growled, trying to act like he had any strength at all.
They bit him.
In a final desperate attempt, he said: “You’re not very nice.”
They swam away as fast as they could.