Monday, July 13, 2009

Chapter 2 of Eternal Feather

Chapter 2

The breeze blew softly as Hirono lay on the roof of the school; the town was stretched out in front of him. Even as a child when he had come up here to be alone the door had always been unlocked. “Miyako will get mad at me for skipping class” he muttered into the wind. Ever since he had been little Miyako had always been trying to take care of him, “I wonder why? She never really had a reason.” Shutting his eyes Hirono laid down letting the sun warm his body comfortable on the hard roof.

“Ding, ding, ding, ding”, it was not the sound of the bell that awoke Hirono, but the rain beginning to fall from the clouds. “Crap I missed all my classes, Miyako will be pissed.” Stretching his arms Hirono got to his feet and headed down to the courtyard where he was supposed to meet Miyako after school. When he reached the tree in the center of the court yard the rain had started to pour, Miyako was sitting down on the bench surrounding the tree waiting, annoyed. Getting up Miyako strowed over to Hirono as stabbed him in his chest with her finger.
“Where were you today?”
“Uh… In class?”
“Not from what I heard from Nodoka, It was your first day of school Hirono and you skipped! If you make this like Junior High you will fail all your classes again and get held back this time!”
“I’m sorry, I won’t do it again, cut me some slack this time Miyako, please?”
“Fine, but you have to come to my basketball practice tomorrow as punishment. Where is your umbrella?”
“I…uh left it at home”
“Geez to I have to hold your hand through High School as well, if you continue like this you won’t even get a job anywhere, here take mine I have an extra.”
“Ah, thank you, are you coming with me?”
“No I have some shopping to do on the way home, I will see you later bye.”
Popping up the umbrella Hirono strowed out into the rain and disappeared amongst it, peering out from under the tree Miyako looked to the sky, the rain continued to pour down drenching everything. Pulling her book bag over her head Miyako began running under the rain towards home with rain already dampening the binder.

14 comments:

  1. Hey could you use like correct grammar and stuff yeah.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Seconded. And seriously, why is everyone's name Japanese? Or does this story take place in Japan? 'Cuz if it does, I have one word for you: RESEARCH. (Everything is really... vague.)
    And I'm fairly sure the Japanese are crazy about studying so if you skipped school your parents will kill you. (Not literally)
    /End Rant.
    And I'm gonna laugh so hard if you delete this too.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ok, I wrote after having a really hectic day and I was a bit unstabile. Also according to Word everything was correct. Also names are just stand in. Also just a side note. If you had read CHAPTER 1 then you would know he lives alone. Now heres some japanese for you, baka.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Okay, I didn't read Chapter 1. Word is unreliable. So he lives alone, eh? Um... so how the heck is that legal? :/ Calling me idiot isn't going to help, BTW. And this is a bit much, but: Seriously, how does this story 'grab us in'?

    ReplyDelete
  5. XxCynxX, you are my hero for your comments. My hero, seriously. Along with Lieutenant Andy and Iron Man.

    Also, does anyone know what happened to that poem Carl and I mercilessly parodied?

    ReplyDelete
  6. I parodied it to, so I think Jennifer took it down. Also living alone is legal, plus his parents are on a trip, and are constantly on trips. Anyway it is legal. Also may I ask how Twilight is supposed to grab you in. The book is predictable to start to finish but people liked it. Mine is much better. The pointisn't to grab you in. The point is to make you feel like you are living it by understanding the characters completely by the end. Also one point that is supposed to interest you is the slight moments of sadness that sugest somthing deeper.

    ReplyDelete
  7. How would everyone feel if I took this and edited the hell out of it?

    I'll make the names not unbearably weird, I promise.

    ReplyDelete
  8. THE NAMES ARE TEMPORARY PEOPLE! Geez, also it depends on the edit. Howard Edited my favorite anime, which annoyed the heck out of me but was still pretty funny (Search "Ef a tale of bagels" on youtube.). So it depends on how you edit it.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Well, yes Twilight 'does not grab you in'. That's because it sucks as quality literature but wins at sappy, pretend-deep reading. It make a holy @#$* load of $$ because it fulfills teenage girl's hopeless romantic dreams. (Go on www.twilightsucks.com, I dare you.) So, yes, you can write a crappy book that makes millions. Totally possible. But you sure you want to do that?
    Okay, fine, he lives alone. 'Understanding the characters' is good advice. It is the beginning and all, but none of the characters really have any kind of personality. Or do anything unpredictable. (But I guess you could counter that with they're just regular people.)
    BTW: ding, ding, ding is not dialogue.
    Ef a tales of bagels was funny (But you should have voiced it). I read the wikipedia on it... WTF?!? And how the heck does the nun/priest/religious girl walk with that much hair? It's HEAVY.

    ...Does this count as 'a strike'?

    P.S. Did you guys make it into Honors?

    And yes, you should totally edit the hell out of it.

    ReplyDelete
  10. IF you guys want a chat forum I will set one up, stop using comments!

    ReplyDelete
  11. That's not a bad idea! You should set up a chat forum!

    ReplyDelete
  12. GOGOGOGOGOGO. Hurry and start it, that would be fun!

    ReplyDelete
  13. JAEGER INDUSTRIES: The bleeding edge of shock and awe!

    ReplyDelete